


For Now I Am Winter

by Demiurge



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Porn Watching, Slow Burn, Snowed In, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 18:06:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1908648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demiurge/pseuds/Demiurge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snow-bound and bored, Dean finds Sam's porn collection. Sam thinks he can handle getting off next to his brother, but he's not prepared for the memories it brings up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Now I Am Winter

It wasn’t the smallest town Sam and Dean had ever stopped in, but it was certainly the smallest with a Motel 6. Even calling the motley collection of houses where State Route 85 and County Road 582 crossed a town stretched the truth to the bounds of credulity, but the snow had been coming down for hours with no sign of relenting, and the tattered old map Sam dug out of the glove said the next town was hours of hard driving away.

As the Impala plowed through the undisturbed snow blanketing the parking lot, Sam gazed through the front window of the motel and felt a strange peace settle over him. Not happiness exactly, but a quiet sort of contentment. He and his brother were safe for the time being, with a roof over their heads and a night of pizza, beer, and TV ahead of them. Tomorrow maybe, if Dean started getting twitchy, Sam would dig up a case, but for tonight they had no worries and nowhere to be.

“You fall asleep with your eyes open over there?” asked Dean, stretching arms stiff from driving and yesterday’s scuffle with a crossroads demon.

“Just thinking,” said Sam quietly.

“Well, I’ll go get us a room, but I’m not carrying your crap in and I’m sure as hell not lugging your heavy ass anywhere, so finish up your thinking quick,” said Dean, but his voice was soft and Sam thought if he turned to look he might see something like affection on his brother’s face.

“Yeah, ok” said Sam instead, and willed his body, war-worn and weary, out of the only home it had ever known.

-+-+-+-+-+-

“Can you believe this crap, sixty bucks a night gets us no mini-fridge, no room service, no pizza delivery, no microwave, and a fucking coffee maker without any coffee. And I might be willing to overlook all of that if I could just hunker down with some busty Asian beauties on my laptop, but oh no, there is no fucking wi-fi free or otherwise to be had in this hell-hole. What, do they think this is a campground? Do I look like I want to go camping? Because I assure you the only camping I want to be doing . . .”

The corners of Sam’s mouth raised just a bit as he watched his brother threaten the hotel staff with death by disembowelment and worse. He’d wind down by himself eventually, Sam knew from long experience, but it couldn’t hurt to smooth things along.

“Here,” said Sam, digging into his bag and pulling out a bottle of Jack, bought in a corner store in Kearny. Dean’s diatribe ceased immediately.

“Well why didn’t you just say so, coulda saved me a lot of bitchin,” said Dean, and his pursed lips might have been hiding a smile.

“Figured I’d let you get it out of your system. Hey at least we got TV, could be worse,” said Sam peaceably.

“Yeah, guess it could,” Dean’s agreed quietly, and Sam’s feeling of contentment returned as he thought of all the times it had been worse, so much worse, and he thought maybe he could deal with just about anything a day could throw at them as long as his evenings were spent just like this.

“Well, are you going to turn that piece of crap TV on, or just keep staring at me like a chump all night?” asked Dean, and Sam started and fumbled the remote around a bit before clicking the TV on.

Grey snow danced across the screen, and Dean growled “Are you fucking _serious_? ” as Sam’s good spirits sunk just a bit.

“Gimme that goddamn thing Sam. Tell me this doesn’t mean what I think it means.”

Dean clicked the channel up, clicked the channel down, fiddled with the settings, checked the cable connection, looked for an antenna, called the front desk, threatened murder, threatened destruction, kicked the wall, tossed the remote in the trash can, grabbed the bottle of Jack, and flopped down dramatically on the foot of Sam’s bed.

Sam thought maybe they should just call it a night before their run of bad luck could ramp up to the usual apocalyptic proportions, and was about to say as much when Dean grabbed Sam’s laptop from where it lay on the bed, and said, “You got anything good to watch on here?”

“Not unless you wanna watch Finding Nemo,” Sam mumbled, wondering if it was worth it to get up and brush his teeth before he passed out.

“Finding – why the – are you _trying_ to give me more ammo? Because I don’t really need that much help, already got more ‘en enough.”

“It was for the Akron case, jerk. Remember that? Kid with a cursed DVD player, took us forever to figure it out …”

“Huh. Yeah, that was a good one, my bad.” Dean lapsed into silence, sprawled on his stomach with one large hand propping up his chin and the other scrolling vaguely through something on Sam’s computer. Sam stretched, squirmed out of his pants and dropped them on the floor, then flopped back down on top of the comforter, thinking he wasn’t quite ready to find out the condition of bedsheets that probably hadn’t been changed for months.

He nudged his brother with one foot, making sure not to prod the bruised region he saw peeking out between Dean’s waistband and shirthem. “Hey, don’t fuck up my computer.”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, can’t get any good viruses without wi-fi,” Dean muttered. “Do you realize you have over 10 gigabytes dedicated just to your ‘news articles’ folder? I mean, I’m not entirely sure what a gigabyte is, but I know giga means pretty fucking big, and 10 of those fuckers just for news is more than any normal person could ever need. Such a nerd, Sam, such a nerd.”

“Jeez, get out of my stuff,” said Sam, a flush infusing his face. Leave it to Dean to stumble across his porn folder within minutes of opening his computer. _Don’t look in the folder, don’t look in the folder_ thought Sam desperately. Aloud he said, “Give me that man, there’s nothing interesting to do without internet anyway.”

Dean turned to look at him, delicate eyebrows raised high, and Sam cursed as he realized that he’d sounded too adamant. “Well now, I don’t know about that,” said Dean, “looks like I might have found something kinda interesting right here,” and his voice gained a playfulness Sam rarely heard these days.

Sam groaned, and flung the nearest pillow at his brother’s head, “You ass”.

“Better not be any of my ass in here, that would be mega-creepy.”

This time Sam aimed for the bruised spot.

-+-+-+-+-

The next few minutes were a special kind of hell for Sam. Dean, however, was in heaven, digging through free porn and tormenting his little brother in the process. Periodically he’d look up from his browsing with a wicked smile, and say “Sammy, you kinky bastard,” or “So is this what you’ve been burning through all those credit cards for?” or “I feel like I’m really getting to know another side of you here, really first rate collection man,” and Sam thought he was in danger of crushing the neck of the bottle of Jack he’d been clinging to like a life-preserver. He’d long since moved beyond red to a violent shade of fuschia, but to his horror was beginning to feel the beginnings of an erection heating his thighs. He’d been keeping quiet and chugging whiskey, knowing that any protests would only fuel Dean’s zeal, but enough was enough.

“Dean, can you _please_ stop jerking off on _my_ bed, with _my_ computer, and _my_ porn?” snapped Sam finally.

“This isn’t what jerking off looks like Sam, thought you knew that much at least,” Dean replied with a flash of white teeth in Sam’s general direction.

“Oh my god, just _stop!”_ shouted Sam, fiery frustration rushing through him. He sat up halfway, and made a futile grab for his computer. Dean nudged the computer a few inches further across the foot of the bed, but otherwise hardly acknowledged the effort.

“You know, you should just stop fussing and join me. It’s not like you have anything better to be doing,” mumbled Dean after a few minutes of tired cursing on Sam’s part.

Sam felt the air rush out of his lungs, but he was sure he hadn’t heard that quite right. “I’m sorry, did you just invite me to watch porn with you?” he asked when he could talk again. “Because that is weird, even for us.”

“Wouldn’t really be the first time,” Dean mumbled, avoiding eye contact. Sam’s mind tried to take off down a trail whose gates he normally kept locked down tighter than Fort Knox, but luckily Dean’s gruff voice pulled him back to the present.

“C’mon man, we’re trapped in a shitty hotel room with nothing else to watch, you’re half-drunk already and haven’t been laid in months, and I’ve been horny as hell since that chick in St. Louis blue-balled me. And we have a fairly epic collection of quality porn here, it would be a travesty to let it go to waste. “

“Travesty - pretty big word there Dean, careful you don’t hurt yourself,” said Sam, half hoping to derail the conversation.

“Yeah, you know what else is big?” said Dean, glancing up to meet Sam’s gaze with a smirk. “This girl’s - ”

“Ugh,” said Sam, although it came out more like _mmm,_ which was entirely due to him being exhausted, and definitely not the fact that he had just realized that Dean was playing one of his favorite videos.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” said Dean gleefully.

-+-+-+-+-+-

And that was how Sam’s evening turned apocalyptic after all. And this might be the most pleasurable apocalypse yet, but Sam was sure the fall-out would be nuclear.

“Stop thinking so much Einstein, it’s not a big deal,” muttered Dean. He was sprawled gracelessly on the other side of the bed, propped up by a pile of flat pillows, and the laptop and bottle of Jack were positioned between them like a wall. Sam thought he could probably scoot another inch away from his brother before he fell off the bed. “I don’t believe for a second that you’re this fussed about watching porn with another guy. It just happens sometimes, dude.”

 _Yeah, but usually there’s touching involved_ and _But you’re my brother_ and _This is going to make it real hard for me to keep forgetting certain things_ rose up in Sam’s throat, but he sealed his lips and swallowed it all back down. Out loud he sighed, and say, “Fine. But you gotta shut up, it’s too weird to hear you over there talking the whole time.”

“Guess I can do that,” said Dean, and the first few seconds of silence broken only by gasps from the tinny speakers were awkward, but Sam managed to immerse himself in the proceedings quickly enough and he guessed Dean did too because he held to his promise.

Soon enough, all of Sam started to take a real interest, and he began to wonder what the protocol was for this sort of situation. Obviously Dean hadn’t suggested this with the expectation that they would both sit there with their hands at their sides and be miserably uncomfortable the entire evening, but Sam wasn’t quite willing to be the one to kick things up a notch and touch himself first. He suspected his brother felt the same way, and was over there trying to wait him out.

And Dean wasn’t lying when he said they’d done this before, but the last time was years ago, and … _No._ Sam shut off that train of thought right there, shut it off and kicked it down for good measure. Maybe sometime when he wasn’t drunk and about to jerk off with his brother, he would take those memories carefully out of their box and look at them through the lens of the past 8 years, but right now he just wasn’t up to the task.

 _More Jack_ , Sam decided. Maybe after another shot or two things would look a little different. He could hold off for another minute or two, surely, even though every nerve in his body was tingling in anticipation. Maybe Dean would cave first.

Sam reached out for the bottle, careful not to look away from the sweaty bodies on the screen for even the slightest second. He didn’t think he could handle this if he saw Dean’s face, or any part of him, right now.

Sam’s outstretched hand was met with warm soft flesh, not the cold hard neck of the bottle he’d been expecting. He jerked back with a gasp, and if Dean’s hand hadn’t already been wrapped around the bottle it surely would have fallen over from the jump of the mattress as Sam slammed his arm back down in it’s awkward resting place at his side.

“Wow kiddo, calm down over there. Plenty for both of us,” said Dean, and the effect of his calm voice was astounding. Hearing Dean call him _kiddo_ jerked Sam’s mind back a decade, and suddenly everything Sam had resolutely not been thinking about came back and swept over him like a tsunami wave and he wanted to just kick the computer off the bed and go crawling over to his brother and wrap his arms around him and curl up safe and warm against his chest, and tuck his head in under his brother’s leather jacket and block out the world and know, deep down in his bones, that he was safe and nothing could ever get him and _Dean_ was safe and warm, and _his_ –

“Fuck,” gasped Sam, and he got up and bolted for the bathroom, except his body didn’t listen to him and instead stayed put and his traitorous hand moved up to cup himself through his boxers and then there was no stopping.

After that it was all a blur. At one point, Sam accidentally glanced over, and saw his brother lazily handling himself, his fly gaping open and a soft smile on his face, and that was an image that would never leave Sam’s head if he lived to be a hundred.

Towards the end, when Sam’s mind began to go fuzzy and his hand was moving at warp speed, he felt Dean’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet his brother’s stare, because he knew in his bones there would be no going back for him if he did. Squeezing his eyes shut, he focused on the clenching of his abs and the tenseness holding his legs, and tried to shut out the world. But then he heard Dean’s voice, as broken and low as Sam had ever heard it, say _SAM,_ and his eyes snapped open to meet his brother’s, and Dean’s gaze burned through him down to the depths of his soul as the world turned white around them.


End file.
